We start the Loser List with the worst comedy of 2012 so far. Adam Sandler, come on down! Actually I have to say it’s a tie between Sandler’s god-awful “That’s My Boy” and the equally stupid “The Watch.” What’s more unfunny, Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill and Vince Vaughn doing impersonations of their most clichéd roles, or Sandler playing a perverted creep who became a novelty celebrity because he was seduced as a kid by his bombshell teacher?
The award for Least Scary Scary Movie goes to “Red Lights.” This paranormal hokum trots out every overly used gotcha moment in the book. Add to that a comically over the top performance by Robert De Niro and a twist ending that will have you heaving your popcorn at the screen, and you’ve got a Razzie contender.
My runaway winner for Most Ridiculous Romantic Comedy is “This Means War.” The attractive, talented cast is trapped in a horrible plot that makes Reese Witherspoon a duplicitous ditz who’s seeing two guys at once. Even worse, Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are secret agents who resort to peeping Tom tactics to win her heart. Who thought this was a good idea for a movie?
As for the most inexplicable hit, I’m going with “The Vow.” Sure, I get the star appeal of Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, but even though this story is very loosely based on real events, it’s nearly unwatchable. Rachel’s memory loss doesn’t just erase Channing, it turns her into an entirely different human being. Sam Neil and Jessica Lange play her grotesque parents, who are actually thrilled about their daughter’s brain damage because she’s once again the superficial zombie they raised. W.T.F.
And finally, the worst movie you’ve already forgotten about is “Joyful Noise,” with a hideously surgified Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah engaging in least funny catfight in modern motion picture history.
That’s it for the Losers. Next time we’ll celebrate the winners, including Best Comic Book Movie and the Funniest Film of the Year so far.