Richard Roeper Blog

After Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff hooked that “easy” last-second field goal attempt that would have sent the AFC championship game into overtime, I tweeted my sympathies.

“I always feel bad for a kicker who misses a season-defining FG,” I said. “Five seconds of your life haunts you for the next 50 years of your life.”

Some folks invoked the names of other kickers who missed crucial field goals e.g., Florida State’s Dan Mowrey, who became known as “Wide Right” after missing a 39-yarder against Miami in 1992, and the Buffalo Bills’ Scott Norwood, whose 47-yard attempt sailed wide right in Super Bowl XXV.

That Norwood’s kick was outdoors, on grass, and was hardly a chip shot, doesn’t matter. What matters is he missed.

Or consider Gary Anderson, who in 1998 with the Minnesota Vikings had arguably the greatest season ever by an NFL kicker. Anderson attempted 59 extra points and 35 field goals — and made them all. In the postseason, Anderson connected on another four field goals and eight extra points.

And then he missed a 38-yarder in the NFC championship that would have effectively clinched the title for the Vikings, and the Falcons went on to win in overtime.

That “becomes the one that most football fans remember from Gary Anderson’s 22-year career,” wrote Michael Lewis of the New York Times. “The man spends 600 million seconds kicking brilliantly in the NFL and winds up being defined by a couple of seconds of catastrophe.”

It was years before Scott Norwood would attend any Bills functions. He still dreads the build-up to the Super Bowl, because he knows that missed FG will be replayed.

Now, we add Billy Cundiff to the list of infamous missers.

“Let’s keep this simple,” said Cundiff. “That’s a kick I’ve kicked 1,000 times in my career, but today I didn’t convert. That’s the way things go, but there’s no excuse for it.”

At 31 and having been traded by eight different teams before joining the Ravens in 2009, Cundiff is hardly a kid who doesn’t understand the ups and downs of the game. But in the immediate aftermath of that devastating miss, when just about every player on both sides of the field was already thinking about overtime, there’s no way Cundiff can truly absorb how much his life is going to be defined by that moment. Even if he makes a 55-yarder to win the Super Bowl for the Ravens next year, some fans will grumble, “Yeah, well he owed us that one.”

Laughter, or sympathy?

So I felt bad for Cundiff. Maybe you did, too. Or maybe you were one of the fans who laughed about it on social media and began taunting Cundiff, like fourth-graders mocking a kid who suffers an embarrassment on the playground. (Other noble souls actually sent death threats to Cundiff or to Kyle Williams of the 49ers. We have a new definition for “pathetic.”)

Some readers and followers took me to task for my seemingly innocuous tweet.

“Seriously, you feel bad for a man paid millions to kick a ball?” wrote one woman. “Most people won’t make in 50 years the amount he made this year.”

True enough. Cundiff has a five-year, $15 million deal with the Ravens. Today’s the worst Monday of his career, and he’s still having a hell of a lot better day than the single mom who’s been out of work 18 months and counting, or the guy who’s working 12-hour days and bringing home $700 a week. We all get that.

And unlike a heart surgeon or an air-traffic controller, when a field goal kicker has a horrid five seconds, it’s not going to result in loss of life. We all get that, too.

Still. When it comes to our athletes and pop culture figures and other newsmakers, we can be very forgiving. (See Gingrich, Newt. See also Vick, Michael. See also Downey, Robert.) You get a second act.

But there are certain moments that can never be lived down, no matter how unfair that might be.

Billy Cundiff will be reminded of that for the rest of his life.

Almost time to get your nomination on.

Per the usual stupid tradition, the AMPAS will announce the Oscar nominees on Tuesday at 5:30 a.m., reading off the nominees in rapid-fire fashion. It’s an unbelievably outmoded and underwhelming practice–but as is the case with so many other Academy Award “traditions,’ i.e., bogging down the ceremony by including categories nobody outside the industry cares about, they’ll keep doing it out of some misguided and obtuse sense of continuity.

Sigh.

My predictions in the major categories:

DIRECTOR

Woody Allen, “Midnight in Paris”

Michael Hazanavicius, “The Artist”

Terrence Malick, “The Tree of Life”

Alexander Payne, “The Descendants”

Martin Scorsese, “Hugo”

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

“The Descendants” — Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash
“The Help” — Tate Taylor
“Hugo” — John Logan
“Moneyball” — Aaron Sorkin and Steve Zaillian
“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” — Bridget O’Connor and Peter Straughan

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
“50/50″ — Will Reiser
“The Artist” — Michel Hazanavicius
“Midnight in Paris” — Woody Allen
“A Separation” — Asghar Farahadi
“Young Adult” — Diablo Cody

SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Berenice Bejo, “The Artist”

Jessica Chastain, “The Help”

Vanessa Redgrave, “Coriolanus”

Octavia Spencer, “The Help”

Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants”

SUPPORTING ACTOR

Kenneth Branagh, “My Week With Marilyn”

Albert Brooks, “Drive”

Ben Kingsley, “Hugo”

Nick Nolte, “Warrior”

Christopher Plummer, “Beginners”

ACTRESS

Glenn Close, “Albert Nobbs”

Viola Davis, “The Help”

Meryl Streep, “The Iron Lady”

Tilda Swinton, “We Need to Talk About Kevin”

Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn”

ACTOR

George Clooney, “The Descendants”

Jean Dujardin, “The Artist”

Michael Fassbender, “Shame”

Gary Oldman, “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”

Brad Pitt, “Moneyball”

BEST PICTURE
Note: Under the new and even more convoluted voting rules, we could see anywhere from 5 to 10 Best Picture nominees. I figure we’ll get 7. Don’t ask me why, because I have no f—– idea

“The Artist”

“The Descendants”

“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”

“The Help”

“Hugo”

“Midnight in Paris”

“Moneyball”

See ya Tuesday morning!

RR

*Click to purchase tickets for Richard Roeper’s Oscar viewing party…

If you’ve been on a cruise, you know the drill. Literally.

Shortly after boarding the ship, there’s a announcement, you grab life vests, you head to your designated deck, you find your spot and there’s a safety drill and roll call.

The only cruises I’ve been on have set sail from Florida, but I always assumed the rules were international. You board a vessel that’s goanna take you so far out on the water you won’t be able to see land in any direction, it stands to reason they’re gonna start off by telling you about putting on the life vest, working the whistle and the flashlight, boarding the lifeboats, etc.

And indeed there are rules — but those rules need revising.

Why wait a full day?

Paul Motter of the Cruisemates.com travel site, on the Fox News website: “Under the U.S. Coast Guard rules and the International Maritime Organization…cruise ships must conduct a safety drill within 24 hours of sailing. … It must include instructions on the use of life jackets and how and where to gather in an emergency.”

Officials for the Costa Concordia said safety drills were scheduled for the day after the ship ran aground, still within the one-day period after most of the passengers had boarded the ship in Rome. But a couple that had boarded the ship three days earlier in Barcelona told the Orlando Sun-Sentinel they had yet to go through a safety drill.

Costa Concordia leans on side as seen from the Giglio harbor. Source: AP

Whenever there’s a tragedy involving some activity in which millions participate, inevitably some of us in the media will talk about the rules and regulations and how they should be changed. Start the marathon earlier in the morning or later in the year! Install barricades so fans can’t fall onto the field even if they tried! Make sure the pilots have adequate sleep between flights!

Change the rules so cruise ships have to conduct evacuation drills within hours, not a day, of leaving port.

But that one makes sense, doesn’t it? Waiting 24 hours (or longer) to conduct a safety drill is tantamount to a flight instructor taking out the seat belt prop and the oxygen mask when you’re halfway through your flight.

Costa Concordia survivor Vanessa Rosales told us on WLS-AM that not only were there no safety drills, she wasn’t allowed to return to her room to retrieve her life jacket; there were conflicting messages from crew members about what passengers should do; and people were knocking each other over to get to the lifeboats as the ship tilted. Rosales said, “It was just like a scene from ‘The Titanic.’ ”

Rosales and her mother were watching a magic show when trouble first struck.

“When we heard a big thud…an announcement came on saying everything was OK, it was just a minor technical difficulty. … The [ship] tilted a little, enough that all our glasses fell to the floor and broke. …The scary thing is that, right when that happened, the magician just jumped off the stage and ran off. …They told us everything was OK but the magician was running off the stage and not returning.”

Too soon for a disappearing joke?

Forget about the magician taking off. Even the myth of the captain going down with the ship is just that — folklore. In this case, we’re told Captain Francesco Schettino refused to return to the ship to oversee the evacuation.

“Tell me if there are children, women and what type of help they need,” a Coast Guard official says to the captain, according to an Italian newspaper that says it has a recording of the tape.

“Listen Schettino, perhaps you have saved yourself from the sea but I will make you look very bad…” says the Coast Guard official. “Dammit, go back on board!”

Meanwhile, a 62-year-old woman told the London Daily Mail, “I was standing by the lifeboats and men, big men, were banging into me and knocking into [my granddaughters]. It was awful.”

Who knows what any of us would do in such circumstances. But if someone writes a book or makes a movie about this tragedy, it sounds as if it’ll be easier to paint the villains than find the heroes.

By the time NBC’s red carpet hosts were breathlessly informing us we were just seconds away from the much-anticipated-super-controversial-who-knows-what-he’ll-say return appearance of Ricky Gervais as host of the Golden Globes, it was almost certainly doomed to be an underwhelming performance.

What was Gervais going to do after all the hype, come out dressed as Tim Tebow and curse his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for allowing him to be humiliated the night before by that pretty boy Tom Brady?

As is almost always the case with awards shows, “hosting” means you do a monologue or an opening musical comedy number at the beginning of the show — and then you pretty much disappear for the rest of evening, popping up every half-hour or so to comment on how the show is running long before you introduce you introduce the next celebrity presenters.

Wearing a suit that made him look like the lead singer of a 1980s Brit-pop band at their 30th reunion, Gervais was surprisingly tame. He mocked Kim Kardashian’s marriage, took mild jabs at absent stars such as Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler, poked fun at NBC’s ratings, joked about Colin Firth being nasty and chided the “very foolish” Natalie Portman for taking time off from work to have a baby.

It wouldn’t be fair to say Gervais bombed. It would be fair to say he was only about 10 percent more controversial than Billy Crystal will be come Oscar night.

In fact the biggest laugh of the night came from Seth Rogen, who walked on with the gorgeous Kate Beckinsale and gave us far too much information about his state of, um, mind. (Beckinsale seemed stunned by the remark and said, “Nice,” but she also couldn’t stop herself from laughing.)

It was wildly inappropriate, offensive, outrageous — and hilarious.

Sort of what we were told to expect from Ricky Gervais.

And the winners are…

Leave it to the Hollywood Foreign Press to give Michelle Williams the Golden Globe for best performance in a Comedy or Musical. Loved the work, but Williams’ portrayal of a suicidal, manic-depressive addict was rather short on the laughs. And while Williams does sing, it’s hardly a musical.

In the Dramatic Actress category, a Meryl Streep win can never be considered an upset given that she has more trophies than a pageant mom with sextuplets, but it was a mild surprise that Streep’s portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in “The Iron Lady” bested Viola Davis for “The Help.”

Jean Dujardin of “The Artist” and George Clooney from “The Descendants” won Best Actor awards. (It can debated whether “The Artist” should have been in the Musical/Comedy category. It’s essentially melodrama.) They’re the frontrunners for Oscar. Even if Brad Pitt gets a nomination for Best Actor for “Moneyball” and Best Supporting Actor for “Tree of Life,” he’s likely to go home from the Oscars empty-handed. The closest thing to a lock right now in any category is Globes winner Christopher Plummer. Albert Brooks, gear yourself up for more nights of smiling gamely when your name isn’t called.

For Best Picture, “The Descendants” is picking up momentum, but older Academy voters might opt for “The Artist.” I’m almost positive “Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star” is officially out of the running.

As for the telecast, the party seemed a bit muted this year. I guess when you’ve got 104 kids like Angelina and Brad, you gotta take it easy. (There’s no truth to the rumor the Jolie-Pitts adopted Kelsey Grammer’s unborn child midway through the show.) And somehow Mila Kunis, who was born in the Ukraine, sounded way more American than Madonna and Johnny Depp.

And I’m still trying to figure out why the bow tie has made such a big comeback.

Maybe it was a Holy Anger, but dozens of citizens of Tebow Nation were seriously ticked off at me last Saturday afternoon over a few tweets.

First tweet: “What do Neil Lomax, Jeff Hostetler, Jeff George, Elvis Grbac, Jon Kitna, Chad Henne & Trent Edwards have in common?”

Answer: “All have higher career passer ratings than Tebow.”

I tweeted this knowing Tebow has other skills that don’t factor into QB passer ratings, including his mobility, his tenacity and yes, his penchant for late-game comebacks.

Over the last month, we saw one of the most rapid ascensions to crossover superstar status in the history of sport. Tebow was already a Florida Gator icon and a popular role model, but within a few weeks he became as well known as any movie star, pop singer or TV personality in the nation. The “Saturday Night Live” skit, the magazine covers, the Drudge Report’s mad crush, the sales of all manner of “Tebow 3:16” merchandise, fans getting Tebow tattoos, polls indicating nearly half of all Americans believed God was taking an active interest in Tebow and the Broncos . . .

By the time the Broncos took the field Saturday night, I half-expected Tebow to eschew the huddle for a Last Supper tableau with him in the middle and his teammates to the left and right.

Tim Tebow in action against the Patriots (AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

Tebow Nation gets riled up

So when I Tweeted that fun little stat about Tebow on Saturday afternoon and followed it up with a prediction of New England 41, Denver 10, you would have thought I had ripped into Jesus himself.

Some true believers chided me for not mentioning Tebow’s intangibles. Others pointed out that eventual stars such as Troy Aikman and Peyton Manning had early career stumbles. Some made suggestions that were not at all Christian.

If Tebow and the Broncos had pulled off another upset, I would have been blasted by Tebow Nation — and that’s OK, that’s how it works. When I’m right, some of you guys let me know it, and when I’m wrong, you REALLY let me know it.

But it didn’t happen. Tom Brady had one of the most impressive games in postseason history as the Patriots romped 45-10. At one point, Brady had five touchdown passes to Tebow’s three pass completions.

Not that Tebow personally “lost” the game any more than he “won” when the Broncos lucked out against the Bears. Denver is a mediocre team led by a less-than-average quarterback who became a sensation thanks to a formula of a few amazing fourth-quarter comebacks paired with his polarizing evangelical personality. For every fan who worships Tebow, you could find a fan who hates him more than he despises any of the convicted criminals playing sports.

Ask a football fan the first thing that comes to mind when Troy Polamalu’s name is mentioned. Most would invoke the Steelers, “great defensive player” or Polamalu’s hair. Only a few might mention that Polamalu, a devout Orthodox Christian, crosses himself before and after every play, prays on the field, has taken pilgrimages to Greece and Turkey, keeps religious icons in his locker and even named his children Paisios and Ephraim after Greek Orthodox Christian saints.

Polamalu once told the Pittsburgh Tribune Review that pushing one’s faith on others “can lead to resentment. . . . There is also a sense of arrogance sometimes when people are really hearty evangelizers, and that is the opposite of what faith is. Like, ‘I know this better than you.’ There are a lot of pitfalls to that.”

Tebow is hardly the only man of faith in the NFL. But the last time we saw people get this worked up over an athlete’s faith might have been when Cassius Clay changed his name to Muhammad Ali.

None of this changes the fact that there are at least 20 teams in the NFL that wouldn’t think of trading their starting quarterback for Tim Tebow.

What with the Kardashians and the sleazy dating shows and the teen mom programs and the real housewives and all the other schlock on TV these days, you’d think the Parents Television Council would just issue a statement proclaiming:

“WE’RE AGAINST ALL OF IT!”

But they still pick and choose their targets, and to the surprise of no one, the PTC is appalled Howard Stern has been tapped to be a judge on “America’s Got Talent.”

Even before the news was confirmed, PTC president Tim Winter issued a statement howling, “If the rumors are true … the result will be the alienation of tens of millions of advertising dollars. Such a move smacks of desperation by the once-proud peacock network. Any short-term buzz from Stern’s shock value will result in a longer-term decline as families abandon the show for more suitable programming.”

So you didn’t much care when Jerry Springer was the host for two seasons of “America’s Got Talent,” but you’re in a lather over Stern joining the show?

Of course this protest is nonsense. Stern has always understood the difference between what he can get away with in his studio (especially during the Sirius/XM era) and how he can conduct himself on TV.

You know what Howard’s real problem might be? He’s too nice.

I speak from experience. A few years back, Howard and Robin Quivers and I were the judges for “The Howard Stern Film Festival,” at which the finalists showed their movies in front of a live audience in New York City. At one point Stern told me he was having a hard time saying anything negative about any of the young contestants showcasing their work. He didn’t want to discourage them or bruise their feelings.

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Howard Stern ends up getting criticized for being too soft on “AGT”?

Rise Against Bogus Tweets

Just last month, “X Factor” judge and former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger experienced a teary meltdown after she failed to “save” a teenager contestant. Judging by the video of Scherzinger weeping and carrying on, you would have thought she had failed to save the girl from a shark and not from elimination on a talent show.

Recapping: Scherzinger refused to choose between 13-year-old Rachel Crow and Marcus Canty. This left Crow vulnerable to an audience vote, and she was eliminated. Oh, the humanity.

Said Scherzinger: “I [didn’t] want to send anyone home. … I wasn’t going to make the decision. I just couldn’t make the decision, so I left it up to America to vote.”

Very sweet — except for the fact Scherzinger is, you know, a JUDGE on the show. Indecisiveness is not a good trait for a judge, whether it’s a pretend judge on TV or a real judge. Imagine Judge Zagel at the Blagojevich trail, ruling on an objection: “Well gee, defense counsel has a point, but I kinda want to see where all this is going. I’m going to sustain the objection AND let the witness answer the question!”

On Wednesday morning, it seemed as if Scherzinger had suddenly become very decisive. To her more than 1.1 million Twitter followers, she proclaimed: “For the first time ever a politician isn’t lying to us. WAKE UP AMERICA! Ron Paul 2012  I Love This Guy #RonPaulRevolution”

Wait a minute, NOW she has an opinion?

But hold on, stop the clock. Now we’re hearing the Twitter accounts of No Doubt, Scherzinger and Chicago’s own punk rockers Rise Against were hacked. The Tweets were deleted and Rise Against later Tweeted: “As you would all assume, we DO NOT support Ron Paul.”

I have to admit until a few hours ago, I absolutely no assumptions either way about how Rise Against would feel about the candidate.

But it sure would have been fun to see them performing at Ron Paul 2012 rally.

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Beyonce and Jay-Z have welcomed a baby girl, who was born last Saturday night in New York.

And how refreshing is it that these two superstars gave their child the very old-fashioned, traditional name of Ann Marie! Maybe it’s the start of a new trend.

Just kidding. The baby’s real name is Blue Ivy, which sounds like a rash you can pick up while hiking in South America or the offspring of a Batman villain who’s out to seek revenge.

People magazine says there’s speculation the couple came up with the middle name of “Ivy” as a derivation of the Roman numeral “IV,” because of the significance of the number four in their lives.

As in, “We’re four times richer than just about everyone else in the world!”

(Actually, Beyonce’s birthday is Sept. 4, Jay-Z’s is Dec. 4, and they were married on 4/4/08. And Jay-Z has an album titled “Blueprint,” which may or may not explain the first name.)

“Welcome to the world Blue!” Tweeted Gwyneth Paltrow, who has a child named Apple.

“Congrats to Jay and B! And many more!” Tweeted Sean Combs, aka Diddy, Puff Daddy, etc., etc.

Diddy has five children, including D’Lila Star Combs, Jessie James Combs and Chance Combs.

We’ve spoken numerous times over the last two decades about this trend — which by now is a tradition — of celebrities giving their children unusual names. Rumer Willis turned 21 last year. Her sibling Scout is 20, and Tallulah Belle will be 18 next month.

I continue to maintain that if you call your kid Apple, Moroccan, Bear Blu, Zuzu, that’s more about the parents calling attention to how clever and artistic they are than  about envisioning their offspring dealing with that name for the rest of their lives. Actor Rob Morrow named his child “Tu,” as in “Tu Morrow.”

Never pass up the opportunity to turn your child’s name into a wince-inducing pun, eh?

(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

What’s in a name?

I’ve long talked about these kids going to school and having to spell and/or explain their names to their teachers. Getting teased on the playground. Dealing with a lifetime of talking about their names every time they’re introduced to someone new. Imagine having to tell the story of your first name for the 784th time and thinking, “I hate you for doing this to me, Mom.”

But if every other kid on the playground has a “unique” name, if half the people you meet on your life’s journey don’t have traditional first names, the avant garde becomes the norm. Who’s going to make fun of Blue Ivy — Nicolas Cage’s son Kal-El? Jason Lee’s kid Pilot Inspektor? Ocean Whitaker, Rocket Rodriguez, Audio Science Sossamon, Moxie Crimefighter Jillette?

(Not that any of these celeb kids have anything on one Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, who was arrested last Sunday in Madison, Wis., and charged with a number of offenses that allegedly violated his bail conditions. But Mr. Zoppittybop-Bop-Bop can’t blame his moniker on his parents, as he’s the one who legally changed his name from Jeffrey Drew Wilschke last October. Imagine that thought process, so to speak: “This will be just the change I need to turn my life around!”)

And it’s not just celebs who give their children unique names. Everybody knows somebody who gave their kid a name that made you laugh or shake your head or say, “Wait a minute, what?”

If you’ve got a story about someone you know who gave their child a unique name, I’d love to hear it.

In the meantime, consider this. Jermaine Jackson named his kid Jermajesty. Epic!

Which is probably also some kid’s name.